laremy.sg

Just read this article titled “Eight Steps To Bringing A Shy Guy Out Of His Shell“.

I thought the intent of the post was quite good, and everyone, regardless of gender should read it, because the principles of attraction work on both women and men.

However, I thought I should add in my two cents worth, because the advice needs to be clarified, or else people might end up misinterpreting what the writer is trying to say.

What definitely works:

(2) – Praise makes everyone feel good and more receptive to others, thereby opening the door for romance to take place.

(6) – Makes sense, especially “[a]n invite based on a common interest is a good litmus test that will show if [s/he] is interested in you or not. If [s/he] does not take you up on your offer, chances are pretty high that [s/he] is not into you“, especially if [s/he] doesn’t propose an alternative date.

(7) and (8) – Obvious; needs no explanation. If you’ve not done it before, practice. Don’t be shy, you must be aggressive to get the things you want. However, anyone who’s fearful of physical contact should just not date – you’re obviously not ready.

What needs clarification:

(1) – Stalker, much? Well, I guess people have different opinions on this, but my advice would be to go only if s/he brings it up during a conversation, and then only if s/he invites you.(3) – I think the key principle here is humour and making the other person laugh. Doesn’t necessarily have to be a nickname, and nicknames can cause some unease, especially if you accidentally activate some baggage from the past, so tread carefully.

(4) – LOL! I think this has to be taken with a pinch of salt. There’s a big difference between people who are quiet because they are shy but interested in you and people who are just not interested in you, regardless of whether they are shy or not. You have to be discerning when asking questions; if the person doesn’t want to respond after a while, then leave it – there are other fish in the ocean.

(5) – Uh oh. This one might send the wrong signal – one of neediness – so steer clear of it. Don’t ever use it at the beginning; maybe around the third or fourth date might be fine. Also, don’t ask for help with a humongous task, have an achievable goal and make sure it’s both something any human being can do without much difficulty (e.g. fixing the computer requires a moderate amount of technical know-how, fixing up the computer requires some technical know-how, etc. so don’t choose those) and something the both of you can do TOGETHER e.g. ‘I need help with shifting or re-arranging or painting the room’.

At the end of the day, however, one very important rule to keep in mind: she or he might just not be into you.

It might a matter of sexual orientation or simply chemistry, but if it doesn’t happen, don’t fret. Cut this loss and move on. Life is too short to worry about the what-might-have-beens; what’s more important is concentrating on the what-can-bes.