Janet picks up her fortune cookie,
Then puts it down, turns to her friend:
“Don’t bank too much on youth. Your rookie
Season is drawing to an end.
John, things we would – when young – not think of,
Start to make sense when, on the brink of
Thirtydom, we pause to scan
What salves and salads cannot ban,
The earliest furrows on our faces,
The loneliness within our souls,
Our febrile clawing for mean goals,
Our programmed cockfights and rat races,
Our dreary dignity, false pride,
And hearts stored in formaldehyde.

– Vikram Seth, The Golden Gate

No worries – no anxiety. Just reading a very good book and felt those were awesome lines.

(Conversation conducted via SMS)

Lynn Lee @ 6.40pm: LOL – I’m sitting in Aunty Vera’s car and [redacted]. Aunty Vera says [redacted] is like “Shylock Holmes“. Hahaha! So cute lah, she.

Laremy Lee @ 9.11pm: New surrogate daughter now, are we? LOL. Was washing Le Poots just now; it is so hamsum now. How’s life post-Wikileaks?

Lynn Lee @ 9.19pm: It’s okay, lah, but I’m so tired – [redacted]. Instead I have to drink copious cups of Milo for comfort. Thanks, anyway, for everything. You’re a good porklet.

Laremy Lee @ 9.21pm: Eh, no worries. It’s, like, you’re Vincent Chase and I’m Eric Murphy and I’m just clearing the way so you can walk. Haha! *snort*

Lynn Lee @ 9.22pm: Haha! That’s such a good quote (along with Shylock Holmes, of course). You should put it on your FB.

Just following instructions… Although after this, I think she will never communicate with anyone ever again.

Or perhaps only if they sign some kind of non-disclosure agreement beforehand.

ADDENDUM: Just got scolded after she saw the post.

In my defence, at least I redacted important information.

*sulks*

Looking at this pig-ture just gives me so much joy.

Relevant: “That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.” (The Sheep-Pig by Dick King-Smith a.k.a. Babe)

Today, I am drinking Complan for the very first time in my life.

Complan is gross. Okay, I’m biased. I’ve never been a very big fan of these… products.

In any case, I just thought I’d mark this occasion with a poem because of how Complan has been immortalised (to me, at least) in Arthur Yap’s “2 mothers in a hdb playground”:

2 mothers in a hdb playground

ah beng is so smart,
already he can watch tv & know the whole story.
your kim cheong is also quite smart,
what boy is he in the exam?

this playground is not too bad, but i’m always
so worried, car here, car there.
at exam time, it’s worse.
because you know why?
kim cheong eats so little.

give him some complan. my ah beng was like that,
now he’s different. if you give him anything
he’s sure to finish it all up.

sure, sure. cheong’s father buys him
vitamins but he keeps it inside his mouth
& later gives it to the cat.
i scold like mad but what for?
if i don’t see it, how can i scold?

on Saturday, tv showed a new type,
special for children. why don’t you call
his father buy some? maybe they are better.

money’s no problem. it’s not that
we want to save. if we buy it
& he doesn’t eat it, throwing money
into the jamban is the same.
ah beng’s father spends so much,
takes out the mosaic floor & wants
to make terazzo or what.

we also got new furniture, bought from diethelm.
the sofa is so soft. i dare not sit. they all
sit like don’t want to get up. so expensive.
nearly two thousand dollars, sure must be good.

that you can’t say. my toa-soh
bought an expensive sewing machine,
after 6 months, it is already spoilt.
she took it back but … beng,
come here, come, don’t play the fool.
your tuition teacher is coming.
wah! kim cheong, now you’re quite big.

come, cheong, quick go home & bathe.
ah pah wants to take you chya-hong in new motor-car.

– Arthur Yap

I can’t remember if the original had any stanzas but I thought I’d delineate the text into stanzas so you can see the conversation between the mothers (a la Peter Tan’s webpage).

In case you are not very intelligent and don’t know why this poem is meaningful, please allow me to highlight a few significant aspects of the poem to you:

• Captures the use of English in Singapore, especially how Chinese Singaporeans speak English (wrongly or otherwise) in modern Singapore’s early years (look at the title: it’s “a hdb” instead of “an hdb”. So you’ve got to be adamantine when you read out the title i.e. “a haitch-dee-bee” instead of “an aitch-dee-bee”).
• Demonstrates changing class aspirations in Singapore, from a Chinese perspective, at least.
• Depicts the urbanisation of the Singapore landscape vis-a-vis economic progress.

DO YOU NOW UNDERSTAND WHY YOU NEED COMPLAN???

Well, I still maintain that Complan is gross but beggars whose mouths have been wired shut cannot be choosers.

BTW, whoever is coming over to my place to visit me – you’re gonna be served Complan.

Colleagues,

The projectors in these rooms are not working well:

…

We have raised the matter to [redacted] to help us resolve the problem as the vendor is not co-operating with us.

I felt like clicking on ‘Reply to All’ and sending this image to everyone:

Unfortunately, I was worried my point would’ve been lost. So I did this instead:

In other news, I’m thinking of setting up a Tumblr called “Things I Wish I Could Say In Public But Can’t Because Of The Need to Be Socially Appropriate”.

For obvious reasons, I can’t provide you with a sampling of the fare that can be on offer. However, if this Tumblr is indeed created, it definitely wasn’t me.

In other, other news: WAR PIGS! (Or their contemporaries, FIRE PIGS!)

11:04:07 AM laremylee: congrats on winning your bet
11:05:56 AM gssq: which ones
11:06:09 AM laremylee: the social escort one
11:07:26 AM gssq: I think I shall donate that to charity
11:07:28 AM gssq: you want?

(via)