Janet picks up her fortune cookie,
Then puts it down, turns to her friend:
“Don’t bank too much on youth. Your rookie
Season is drawing to an end.
John, things we would – when young – not think of,
Start to make sense when, on the brink of
Thirtydom, we pause to scan
What salves and salads cannot ban,
The earliest furrows on our faces,
The loneliness within our souls,
Our febrile clawing for mean goals,
Our programmed cockfights and rat races,
Our dreary dignity, false pride,
And hearts stored in formaldehyde.

– Vikram Seth, The Golden Gate

No worries – no anxiety. Just reading a very good book and felt those were awesome lines.

Looking at this pig-ture just gives me so much joy.

Relevant: “That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.” (The Sheep-Pig by Dick King-Smith a.k.a. Babe)

So I mentioned that day that one of my poems has been published in the latest issue of Ceriph.

Here it is:

Lucky Strikes
By Laremy Lee 

For all the boys from 10A04.

Fumbles one out from the box, strikes
it at a dulled edge: conversation
does not ensue. He tries again – twice,
thrice, before its head snaps off, departing
into the distance of a long, lonely night.
Leaves him standing there, limp
cigarette dangling loosely from his lips,
moisture slowly soaking filter tip.

Lighting up shouldn’t be a dismal match
grovelling wildly at the feet of blunted flints,
looking to catch the song of a spark
in a vain draw on an inflamed hope -
that determination will grow into fire.

Go get your copy of Ceriph if you haven’t already done so.

I’ve just finished reading Map of the Invisible World by Tash Aw.

I got it at a book swap on Sunday and it’s accompanied me since my operation on Tuesday.

There was a motif in the text which I thought was quite cool: the recurrent use of “La Coccinelle (The Ladybird)” by Victor Hugo to discuss the theme of love.

The poem, in French, as far as I know, as follows:

La Coccinelle

Elle me dit: “Quelque chose
“Me tourmente.” Et j’aperçus
Son cou de neige, et, dessus,
Un petit insecte rose.

J’aurais dû, – mais, sage ou fou,
A seize ans, on est farouche, -
Voir le baiser sur sa bouche
Plus que l’insecte à son cou.

On eût dit un coquillage;
Dos rose et taché de noir.
Les fauvettes pour nous voir
Se penchaient dans le feuillage.

Sa bouche fraîche était là;
Je me courbai sur la belle,
Et je pris la coccinelle;
Mais le baiser s’envola.

“Fils, apprends comme on me nomme,”
Dit l’insecte du ciel bleu,
“Les bêtes sont au bon Dieu;
“Mais la bêtise est à l’homme.”

– Victor Hugo

An English translation, culled together from other translations plus my own limited knowledge of French:

The Ladybird

She told me: “Something is
Bothering me.” And I saw
Her snow-white neck, and, on it,
A small rose-coloured insect.

I should have, – but, wise or foolish,
One is awkward at sixteen, -
Seen the kiss on her lips
More than the bug on her neck.

One would have called it a seashell;
Red-backed and spotted black.
To see us, the warblers
Leaned forward in the foilage.

There was her cool mouth;
I bent over the lovely girl,
And I caught the ladybird;
But away flew the kiss.

“Son, learn my name,”
Said the bug from the sky blue,
“The beasts belong to our good Lord;
“But beastly stupidity belongs to man.”

– Victor Hugo

Here’s a comic of the poem too, if you’re so inclined.

A Big-Ass Message, of which the content never rang more true.

(via)

First, text her/him this message:

Given 9x – 7i > 3(3x – 7u), solve for i.

If she/he can obtain the answer, then you can skip the rest of this post. This assumes you’re not a dunderhead and that you’ve managed to obtain the answer too.

Otherwise, she or he will probably convey her/his uncertainty to you via “Huh???” or some other less graceful reply. If that happens, then you can proceed to demonstrate your mathematical prowess in this manner!

(Running commentary in the hyperlinks in case you need the explanation – just move your mouse cursor over the hyperlink and wait for a while. An explanation will pop up shortly.)

9x – 7i > 3(3x – 7u)
9x – 7i > 9x – 21u
9x – 9x > 7i – 21u
0 > 7i – 21u
21u > 7i
7i < 21u
i < 3u

= i <3 u or i ♥ u

Cute right? Got this idea from this website.

DISCLAIMER

1. There is a possibility that this is old news. If it is, please forgive my dinosaurian ways.
2. The worst thing I foresee happening: a text message that inadvertently breaks up your relationship or marriage. I disavow any responsibility if that happens. But I’d be interested in knowing about it if it does – it’ll make a nice story to tell the grandkids, I think.

Happy very belated Valentine’s Day, everyone!

The YouTube link here in case you can’t see the embedded video.

The script we had to write:

Pooters the Happy Scooter
By Laremy Lee

The first thing I do before first-time pillion riders get on my bike is to introduce my scooter to them. “My scooter’s name is Pooters,” I will say. “Pooters?” they will ask. “But why?” My response: “Because it poots.”

Pooters is a Vespa ET8 that I’ve owned since receiving my motorcycle license back in 2004. When I bought Pooters, it was black in colour. After Pooters and I met with our first accident in 2005, however, my father nagged me into painting Pooters white. Since then, Pooters and I have been in two more accidents, so maybe it’s not really about its colour.

Pooters has a knack of endearing itself to everyone it meets. While Pooters’s fan base is innumerable, let me settle this matter once and for all: I am Pooters’s biggest fan. After me, comes my girlfriend, and after her, the cats in my neighbourhood. I just wish they’d stop leaving their paw prints on Pooters’s seat.

I like to think that the reason why Pooters is so popular is because Pooters is A Happy Scooter that smiles at everyone and everything it sees. I know it sounds like mere whimsy on my part, but rest assured that you’re not gonna get a chance to ride on Pooters if you don’t agree with us.

Though it isn’t always rainbows and unicorns with Pooters, you know. One of my biggest bugbears is Pooters’s temperament: it often breaks down at the most inconvenient of times. Compound that with Singapore’s penchant for rain, and it’s a surefire recipe for an unpleasant commute.

Does this mean I’ll be trading Pooters in for another vehicle anytime soon? Well, for all its quirks, Pooters occupies a special place in my heart. Until the day comes for us to ride under the giant ERP gantry in the sky, you’ll still find us pooting merrily down the roads of Singapore together, Pooters and I.

Favourite re-worded lyric: “You better shape up/’Cos you need a man”. (有。。。！)

In other news, I have a sudden obsession with songs from Grease. Other videos you might want to watch:

Summer Nights

• The Original.
• The Lego stop motion version.

You’re The One That I Want

• With er… subtitles.

1. this is fucking it, you are in love with me.

   This is for the guys who are wondering why ‘nice guys finish last’ holds true for them. When I was younger, I used to feel that way a lot. But I think the good thing was that I never stopped trying, I never stopped taking chances and I just kept on learning. This was one of the things I learnt along the way, and I’m glad someone has put it so… eloquently.

   “You are so in love with me that you are so unbelievably ready to ruin our friendship for a chance at love. That you are willing to pick up that bat and attempt to hit the ball out of the fucking stadium. Because either you strike out or you hit a home run.”

   (via)

2. Men lose their minds speaking to pretty women.

   This is for awareness. I know it happens to me too so I try to manage it when I realise it’s happening to me e.g. take some time to pause and reflect on what is being said/asked. What’s important is that you stay in control of the conversation – but don’t dominate it.

   “…research shows men who spend even a few minutes in the company of an attractive woman perform less well in tests designed to measure brain function than those who chat to (sic) someone they do not find attractive.”